Communicate

What is love?

Big question right? Don’t worry, we’re not about to tackle such a large idea, just yet. Thing is, depending on who you ask and the “time” of life they’re in, you’re likely to get widely varying answers. We talk a lot. We talk about a lot of things, but how often do we talk about how we talk? Communication as a concept may seem easy, but we know how untrue that can be.
Being (or becoming) a better communicator all boils down to knowing who you are as an individual and how you weigh things.

Gary Chapman is a name you may recognize. He wrote the book, The 5 Love Languages. This was followed up by another book, The 5 languages of Apology. And again, another book, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. What gives here? Looks like Gary’s on to something. People differ and they not only differ on things like love, apology and appreciation, these difference point to something deeper: how we communicate in general. People who don't love or apologize the way you do aren't wrong, they're just different. The same goes with communicating, even though we have preferences, we shouldn't be quick to qualify (or quantify) the efforts of others.

Why do I write this blog? Am I trying to get you to DO something?
Maybe, sometimes.
How I write and speak gives obvious insight into the kind of communicator I am. I also contend, and probably even more so that I reveal the type of communicator I am with all of my nonverbal cues as well…as does everyone else.

I remember this question being brought up that fits in well here –
'Do you listen to hear, or do you listen to respond?'
Hopefully, this question causes you to reflect on what kind of communicator you are? What’s most valuable to you when it comes to giving and receiving various types of information? The confusing thing in all of this is that most of us use words like “understanding”, not realizing that our understanding is not one fixed thing. It varies based on what we’re looking to understand.
Do you more look for (and give) direction? Is it empathetic connection (to console or be consoled)? To traject feelings of blame or conviction? Is it to establish order? Or maybe you’re looking to be received and appreciated…known.
It’s not my intention to list all the possible goals that direct how people communicate. Heck, I’m sure I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
It is an important thing to consider. Why? We crosstalk with each other all the time, and we know the feeling of frustration that arises when it seems that someone isn’t “hearing” us. We can end up taking it personally when what’s really happening is the recipient is hearing and communicating in their language, not ours.
Which leads to the next thing – how do you react or respond (verbally or otherwise) during a disconnect: When the message isn’t being received or conveyed as intended? Do you blow up, shut down, deflect, turn in, condescend, plead, appease, ignore or just resort to doing what you know even though that may not have been your intention, or that of the other communicator.

We’re all “IN” relationship with one another, and it’s sad how a relationship can start off so alive and vibrant with an abundance of happy feelings and hope, only to deteriorate and crash against the rocks because of the effects of mis-communication. I believe that most of this can be either avoided or at least lessened by being honest and adapting how we approach communication and what we expect from it.

Here’s The Word;

Proverbs 17:27 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.

James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath

2 Timothy 2:7 Consider what I say; and the Lord give thee understanding in all things.

1 Corinthians 14:20 Brethren, be not children in understanding: howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men.

Luke 24:45 Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,

There are SO many verses in Scripture that expose communication and reveal God’s heart on providing understanding and knowledge. Even God Himself has a direction and a purpose for His communication. In the commandments and laws we see Him communicating “Do” or “Do not”. In the Proverbs we see Him communicating connection and order (wisdom). In other places like Job and Jeremiah 9 we see Him communicating to be received and appreciated.

There are many different types, forms and goals in communication, but at the end of it all, we, like God Himself, communicate with one overarching goal in mind. Unity. We communicate that we may see one thing together, it could be as simple as getting a thing done or drawing closer to each other for a deeper enjoyable experience. To do this, we need to know what kind of communicator we our as well as the kind of communicator we’re communicating with. This includes our verbals as well as our non-verbals. If I didn't mention "your" particulars earlier, it doesn't mean that you're off the hook. It just means that you'll have to be more diligent in identifying things for yourself....and be honest.

In the Spiritual Gifting department, I’m a teacher. So most of the time, I communicate that way: Sometimes it's do or don't do. Sometimes its hear and understand. In this blog, my desire is to have us look at ourselves and how the Word of God speaks to unifying His purpose with His people. That we would seek clarity to unclutter the way to give ourselves to His intentions. This has become my most of the time.
Away from the blog, I engage and I try to listen more. Admittedly, I listen more to be sympathetic, but ready to capitalize on how to direct things toward uplifting Christ. God is a patient and relentless communicator. He listens and He's consistent about speaking Himself to our understanding and even supernaturally opens our eyes to see it. My prayer is that we would become such; To not just talk about how we think, but to think about how we talk (verbal or non-verbal) - committed to communication for unity sake as God has reconciled us and is actively unifying us in Christ as Christ is in Him.


In Him,
Cros